Michael Marley If It's Thursday, It Must Be Phoenix Boxing Blog:

Is Briggs Nappy Or Nasty By Nature Or Both?

King Throws Opening Pitch: Briggs Throws Opening Bitch; 'White Wolf" Tickets Sold As Liakhovich Labeled 'Quitter'; Shannon's Shirt Hits The Fan; Champ Calls Briggs Bullslinger; Worm Eater Getting Tinkled By Finkel; DK Opens Diaper Dandy Sideline

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PHOENIX--The Diamondbacks, whose baseball season ends with three games at beautiful Chase Field this weekend, are calling up the aging but big righthander from Cleveland, Don King, to throw out an opening pitch against the Padres. King throws the opening pitch and, at Thursday's press conference hyping his November 4 challenge against WBO heavyweight champ Sergei Liakhovich, Shannon Briggs threw out the opening bitch.

Apparently trying to wage psychological warfare with the White Wolf, Briggs sold plenty of "wolf tickets" at the well-attended and typically DKP marathon presser. As detailed exclusively by me on FNN, Briggs recently ditched his high-altitude Colorado Springs training camp ("too cold") and invaded Liakhovich's adopted hometown.


But it was not enough for the veteran from Brooklyn to relocate to Greater Phoenix, he had to invade Wolfie's own neighborhood in upscale Scottsdale.

Imagine, Briggs from the real hood in Brownsville/East New York now in the same Scottsdale hood as Wolfie. First thing Briggs did was locate a good barber brother, or brother who is also a barber. They cut heads, including Briggs' huge dome, at "Nappy By Nature". I wonder if they are down with OPH (other people's hair).
Before really getting into his rant about no one in the frozen vegetable or fresh produce sections of any Scottsdale supermarkets even knows Liakhovich is alive, let alone that he is the WBO champeen, Briggs even let the shirt hit the fan.

In the warm-up portion of his routine, Briggs pulled his shirt off to show an abdomen that was faily impressive although not the awesome six-pack look that people such as myself and the hermetic Nat Gottlieb possess. (We've often been compared to Hans and Franz because we come "to pump you up" at FNN.)
 

"I have been in town two weeks now," Briggs said. "and nobody in town knows who you are. Not even in the supermarkets. Look at this headline (holding up reprint), 'Liakhovich battling obscurity.' I am making you known."
King knew the woof, woof, woofing was getting hot as he dribbled some gasoline on the verbal fire.
"Shannon threw down the gauntlet, he opened up Pandora's box," King barked.

Liakhovich trainer Kenny Weldon, not known for his humor or love of WWF style hype, snapped that Briggs would go out "face first" on November 4.


You knew that Miss Manners was not going to sanction this soiree when King and the heavyweights plus WBA lightweight champ Juan Diaz and his challenger Angulo (who Finkel claims he has a managerial contract on) walked to the dais through a cloud of smoke. (Angulo, having lived on a worm diet and slept on a river bed heretofore suspiciously eyed the hot dogs which were offered for nada.)
"Now where's the mirrors?" Arizona Republic fight scribe Norm Fraunheim cracked.

Fraunheim landed another verbal haymaker when King mentioned that Angulo was an "emissary" of controversial Venezeulan leader Hugo Chavez.
"Maybe Don can get Hugo and (Sen. John) McCain to sit together at ringside," Fraunheim said.

I suggested a ringside foursome with JC Chavez and Phoenix resident and strip club aficionado Michael G. Tyson rounding out the party.

Later, King mentioned Fraunheim's presence and likened him both to Picasso and Michelangelo, a comparison I don't believe DK ever made about another literary lion, Michael "Wolfman" Katz. The Fraunehim family must be proud tonight is all I can say.

Evidently Liakhovich, whose English can best be described as fractured, was clearly a Mad Russian or, more accurately, a Beligerent Belarussian when he finally got to speak.

"I listen very much to this bullshit," Wolfie said. "He talks about how big he is. This is a boxing war. You can talk how you want. I don't want to talk about nobody dirty."

And those were his happiest remarks.
 
Briggs was chirping all the while, though.
"I am hungry, man," Briggs said. "Nothing is going to stop me. I am starving, not financially, but mentally for this."

Briggs then boldly suggested that Liakhovich might have to go heavweight rehab after they fight. After all, rehab is for quitters, isn't it?
"He is gonna quit because all the Russians quit," Briggs said. "He was going to quit in the (Lamon) Brewster fight. He is gonna quit because he is a quitter."

This insult came right behind Briggs rhapsodizing about how "very talented" Wolfie is.

Briggs said his new trainer Chuck McGregor, who was thisclose to taking nut job Ike Ikeabuchi to a world title, has given him a spark for the title bout on Showtime.
"If I had Chuck five or six years ago, I would have about $200 million. I am ugly, yes, but I am funny so I am marketable. Chuck is an unbelievable trainer and he is pushing me hard mentally and physically. I mean, you wouldn't believe it.

Physically, I am going to a new level. He is a phenomenal trainer."

That's when the shirt nearly hit the Chase Field turf, I mean natural grass. And that's when Briggs vowed that Wolfie's ass is grass and he is the lawn mower.
"I am," Briggs said, "gonna kick his ass. I am in phenomenal shape. I will win the heavyweight championship right here November 4. I will kick his ass in the middle of the field. Look at me, and I am five weeks away from the fight."
McGregor, who would never make it in the Vince McMahon Jr. troupe, was decidedly more low-key.

"I think they will show you something like Ali and Frazier. It is gonna be tremendous. I think they will need more than 21,000 seats for this one," McGregor said.

Motormouth Briggs cut in on his own trainer.

"Chuck, he is going to sleep. Chuck he is going to sleep, baby!" Briggs interjected.
King naturally took the mention of the word "baby" to then introduce two guys in the audience who he said he was co-venturing with in a diaper business. If you're in a Scottsdale grocery or any grocery, you young parents who read Marley/FNN, keep a sharp eye for "My Little Star" brand diapers. DK promises them to be the world's first black-owned diaper concern.

At that point, the whole thing was...well, a mess. Supply your own punchline.
 

  • Other King pearls presented before the local swine:
  • On Nickolai Valuev--"The Giant Russian, he is an oddity. It's like Jack and the Beanstalk for those who like fairy tales."
  • Klitschko Brothers--"Both Vital and Wladimir are figments of HBO's imagination. Vitlali was a loser so he went into politics and Waldimir got knocked out by the golfer, Corrie Sanders and by Brewster."
  • Liakhovich and Sam Peter manager Iyvalo Gotzev--"He is everywhere, he is like the Scarlet Pimpernel, calling everybody every minute. Ivayo is worse than a toothache and you know that Shakespeare says nothing is worse than a toothache."

If I was Gotzev, I wouldn't let King introduce me to any dentists on or before November 4. Or maybe this just means there will be an "extraction" on Wolfie's purse if the wolf ticket don't sell real tickets

 
   


 

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