With just six weeks to go before Valuev's scheduled title defense against Monte Barrett on Oct. 7, promoter Don King forced his pet giant out of his cage in the bowels of Siberia -- where he trains old Russian-school by digging up grave bones of his Tartar ancestors -- in order to do a whirlwind six-day, three-city tour of America that ended this weekend.

Four days into it, Valuev caught "Excusitis" from stress, and said:

"I accept all of that (promotion) and I know that this stress is necessary," he said. "But first of all I'm a pro and the world champion. I wasńt able to train for two days but I have to do so to win the world championship fight. Under no circumstances -- things cańt go on like this."

Flash forward: Oct. 7, post-fight press conference, Allstate Arena, Rosemont, Il. A downcast King's Kong, flanked by his zoo keeper, is explaining why he lost his title to Three-Card Monte -- King had dealt him a bad hand!

"The press tour I made in late August took a lot out of me," Valuev will say. "I lost training time and focus. I understand that my promoter wanted Americans to get to know me, but now they know me as a meshugina that's Russian for loser."

Why would King schedule a transatlantic tour so close to the fight? Obviously to build up the gate. And if the distraction costs Valuev his belt, King only has to adjust it's size from Gorilla to Homo Sapien and wrap it around his new,100 pct. "Grade B " Don King Productions champion, a sweeter cut than 50 pct. "Grade B" Valuev, whom he co-promoted with Sauerland of Germany.

As for the illness Valuev will bring back to Russian, Dr. Goyem Gottlieb, a noted Siberian physician, told FightNightNews he will treat Valuev with herbal Stolichnaya and organic gefilte fish, which his father, Schlemeel Nuta Gottlieb, used on Joseph Stalin when ever the Commie King (no relation to Don) suffered from ill temper. 

The last DKP outbreak of "excusitis" occurred on Jan. 7, at the post-fight press conference for Judah-Baldomir in Madison Square Garden. Zabster had just lost his welterweight title to the Argentinean Cinderella man in a stunning upset. Judah first blew his nose, then hacked a cough and spoke with a raspy voice, symptoms of "excusitis:"

"My promoter messed me up. All week, I was doing his job of promoting the fight by making appearances all over the place," Judah said.

If the strain mutates again, who knows, it might infect fighters BEFORE a deal can be finalized. Shelly Finkel has already tried it and failed. For two months Finkel worked hard to infect Shannon Briggs with this new strain, but Briggs is too much man to make excuses. He took lots of Vitamin C and a new, experimental vaccine used to ward off "SlyFink" disease, which has been known to damage careers.

When Briggs finally yanked off his life support system and left "Ivan Drago Klitschko Medical Center," he gave Finkel and his Ukrainian boxer a virus he found in a Brownsville sewer, "Boredomitis," a particularly viral strain known as Brockitis, not to be confused with bronchitis, which is treatable with antibiotics. Brockitis has no known cure.

Another disease that affect many fighter, "conflictitis," appears to have been warded off by preventative medicine. Both Jermain Taylor and Ricky Hatton each had been given the green light to fight on HBO Dec. 9. Oops. Bad enough HBO has to go head-to-head with Showtime on occasion, but toe-to-toe with itself? The disease actually infected HBO once before, when Roy Jones Jr. and Bernard Hopkins were fighting on the same night. HBO's cure was to do a split telecast from two different cities.

This time it looks like Taylor, who is slated to fight Kassim Ouma in Little Rock, will move the date back to Nov. 25., allowing Hatton to have Dec. 9 for his IBF title fight against Juan Urango. 

It could be a healthy month for HBO. Talks have begun between Winky Wright and Ike Quartey, for a PPV fight on Dec. 2, which could sneeze all over Bob Arum's twinbill on the same night, a card featuring Antonio Margarito and Miguel Cotto in separate fights, same building. No health problems are predicted for Arum, since he has been infected by HBO so many times his system is immune.

And finally on this week's "HealthWatch," did anybody catch the dose of buggerupitis Hatton gave Clinton Woods in the 9th round of his fight with Glen Johnson? Ahead on the cards, Woods was getting hammered in the ninth, so Hatton, who was guest working Woods' corner, sprayed him with a steady stream of "buggerupitis," laced with profanity even FightNightNews wouldn't pass it on ? and you know eExecutive Editor Michael "F Words" e Marley will post virtually anything, excluding a much-passed around photo of him blogging from Pinot Noir Land, where he had fallen mouth-first into a barrel of crushed grapes, mistaking them for the finished product.

Maybe Hatton should bring Woods to Atlanta on Dec. 9 to work his own corner with a spray can of "buggeritis," in case he fights Urango the way he did Luis Collazo.

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